|
| So let's talk about frustrating.... Yesterday, I went to the doctor's to get a echocardiogram and my holter monitor. I arrive ontime and true to doctor form, i had to wait an extra half hour before being called back EVEN THOUGH i was only the second patient of the day. So i go into the back and find out that they forgot to bring a monitor and would have to reschedule for next week. So the lady did the echo and sent me on my way. When i asked what i was supposed to do in the mean time while the pain seemed to be getting worse, i was informed that she didn't see any palpitations while she was doing the echo and that i really had nothing to worry about (yes it's good that she didn't see anything wrong, but i also wasn't in pain when she did the test). So i left with no instructions on how to manage pain and pretty upset by the off-handed treatment i recieved. I'm sorry, but i don't enjoy being spoken to like im an idiot and should not be feeling what i'm feeling. THEN...to make the day even better, I went to drill last night at the firehouse. I watched. I sat there and watched while everyone else got to cut cars apart. Well while i was watching, my wonderful chest pains started coming back. so i sat down in a chair and did my best to look interested in what was going on and not in pain. well this worked until everything was being put away. i had been doing my best to wander a bit, and just really tryiong hard not to draw attention to myself. and as all of the tools were almost away and people were just standing there talking, my pain got worse and i took a knee and started holding my chest. I looked over and saw that my assistant cheif was watching me, so i got up and meandered out of sight where i sat down and had to hold my chest. And of course my assistant cheif wander over and struck up a conversation where he could see me. He looked over and yelled at me asking if i was okay (yes he really did yell it, but if you knew Danny, you would understand that he does not speak much, he usually yells). At first i did the little yes/no head nod and the pain was just getting worse so i change my answer to no.
well he turns around and calls DJ over who is a Combat Medic in the Navy. Well DJ running to Danny and then to me happened to get the attention of my best friend, Jamie, an EMT, Mike (EMT), Kathy(EMT), Billy(EMT), Erin(Nurse), Adrianne (Paramedic), and a handful of other EMT and First Responders that we have on the department. All i said to DJ was "it hurts" that's it. and next thing i know, he's screaming get a rig. (for those of you who aren't sure, but can probably guess, a rig is an ambulance.) Before i could protest, Jimmy was on the radio to county that we needed a rigto the firehouse immediately and there were 2 or 3 people on cell phones with 911 for the same reason. so needless to say, even though i had just vowed monday night that i would never arrive at a hospital in the back of a rig strapped to a stretcher, that's exactly how i was taken to the hospital. (GRRRR!) But the hospital did absolutely nothing for me, except take an EKG (which was normal--of course) and a chest x-ray (why? who knows--something about making sure my heart was the right size and in the right place--even though i had just had the same thing done last wednesday...). The only thing they did do for me was give me a tylonol with codine for the pain (it didn't help--but i humored them cuz there was nothing else they were going to do for me). that's it. one pill and sen me home. didn't monitor me or anything. no bloodwork. nothing. i was home by midnight. so anyways im just really frustrated right now with all of this and just want answers. so tomorrow im going to call Debora Heart and Lung Center and try to get in with them because i know that they will run every test in the book and maybe even make up a few to come to a better conclusion and give me an answer. In the mean time...the saga continues.... thank you for your prayers so far...please keep praying for me. | | |
| So no news yet. I did go to the doctor's as a follow up to going to the ER, and all i know now is that on Tuesday morning, they're going to be hooking me up to a holter moniter for a few days to see what my heart does. so i may not have any more news until the end of the week, but i thank you for your prayers during this time. as much as i dont like what happens, please pray that it WILL happen while im on the moniter so that they can find it. Thank you guys! And i will let you know here whats going on as i find out, so that you will know too. | | |
| So I'm not actually sure how many people still read this since i haven't been on in such a long time, but i figured I'd give the people who want to know a place to find out what is going on with me: Currently, my health seems to be diminishing. i had the weird chest pain/heart thing going on. i was in the ER all night Wednesday and am going to my family doctor today who is supposed to send me to a cardiologist ASAP! (as per the ER doc.) What's been happening is i'll have this fluttery feeling right in the middle of my chest that feels something like the feeling you get when you've had too much caffine or have run for a really long time and your heart and you body are trying to compensate and take care of whats going on. However in my case, i'll feel fluttery, but have a normal to low pulse rate. shortly after the flutter, pain will replace where the flutter was and a rondom extremity will go numb (lately the left hand). SO...if who ever is still reading this will pray for me that everything will be figured out and i'll be okay, i'd really, really appreciate it! PS- i miss my CU friends :( | | |
| i am stuck in a box. one that i can not get out of. i do the same thing every day. i see the same people and don't have time or energy to do anything else. it is a very lonely box too. even tho i come into contact with people, im alone. i do not have a friend in the world, and it is starting to make me think that i have never had a friend in the world. that i have always merely been tolerated and not truely liked or accepted. it is a very sad box, the box i am in. it makes me want to cry sometimes. but what do i have to cry over? lonliness? no one will wipe my tears away because i am alone, so why cry? i don't cry anymore. this box is not much fun. i leave the room i am sleeping in. it's not my room, it belongs to someone else. it is on loan to me. and i work for 7 or 8 hours a day. and then i go back to the room i am sleeping in. i want to do more. i just can't. i am confined to my box. i don't like this box, but there's no way out of it. | | |
| My brain has turened to mush....i am now working my 7th day here at the Mission, and have already becaome a drone and only do as i'm told. i go to bed eveynight by like 9, not because i want to, no....because i can't keep myself awake any longer than that. well quick update before i go back to pretending to be working on those classes i have to finish this summer....
i have decided that i am closing the last chapter of my life and opening to a new fresh page. i'm done. i know i said it before, but i'm serious this time. i did what i needed to do, people don't get back to me, i'm over it. i'm done with it. closed chapter....grab a stapler and some glue to make it official. CLOSED.
the Mission i fun, but a lot of work....it's insanity some days, but i like it.
the issue that has had my mind lately is about my future. do i want to do whatever i'm doing at Cedarville and continue to rack up the loans, or do i want to go another route and become a firefighter/paramedic...which is a free education. and if i go that route, do i want to do it at home, or do i want to go somewhere else and just start all over. i don't know, but don't be too surprised if this ends up being my last semester at CU. i just need to find where i belong. i'm tired of feeling tolerated and put up with, but never really accepted. | | |
|
